Sunanth Anand

Where do I begin? Do I pen down a poem or Do I write a memoir? I stopped writing a few years ago but a loss of a friend made me write again!

I'm at that crossroads again! Struggling to understand and unwilling to accept what has happened.

For weeks I've been fighting within myself, specially during my bus ride to work. A storm of feelings erupts within me and I try and push them away, I desperately want to talk about it but I can't, so today I decided I will say it all and get it done with!

Loss is a loss no matter how close or distant one might be. It's a loss, for when I recall the times you were there for me and it was during those times I was down and out. The last time I reached out to you was during such a similar time and I had no idea.

There is just so much to say and every bit of it is very difficult to write down as I realise I am left only with these memories. I don't believe friends are best friends when they are connected to each other everyday, friends are friends the minute one person has an impact on the other, you were that one person in my life.

I would normally chose my words carefully, to make it effective and eloquent for the readers, but today, I care not. This is not for the readers, this is my way to keep you alive within me and amongst some of our mutual friends.

It all began when you were still in school, a young boy. My initial thoughts were, " Dark & Dusky"; Sweet & Bubbly" and ain't he naughty. A personal sense of joy that "we" dark people are super cool.

Every time, I have seen you, it was at Mayo's and that's because I was always at Janan's! So basically, we were at the same house almost every other day. What are the odds!

Mayo had the best of friends ( touch wood) and for someone like me who had to travel 38 KM to college to be among friends, to coming back home to no friends, it was an absolute pleasure to have you and the boys over at Mayo's and rarely at mine.

I, so very clearly recall telling Janan and she agreeing with me, that we were two old people basking in the friendship of our brothers cause we were without friends our own age! Aren't we a bore?

Remember your exam days? I was taking classes for Mayo,Sathya and Tintu, and just when I got them to listen to me, you barged it with a plate of food from the kitchen and distracted every one of them. The only pics I could get hold of are the below. PRICELESS

You kept my life as colourful as you kept theirs and you weren't there only for these naughty-silly moments. You were there during most of my trying times. I was just out of college and secured a job, sadly I met with an accident and fractured my leg. My only visitors were you and Mayo, every evening you would make a pit-stop to take jabs at me and my broken leg ( all in good spirit). I used to wonder why you guys would even bother to come and pay me a visit, but never really cared to know why because you would make me laugh so much that I forget I was couch ridden. I had no friends during those days, my college life was over and my work life didn't even begin, so the fact that you showed up with Mayo, made my MOM so happy. Fatso- you even sat on my broken leg! What were you thinking!!

A year went by and once again my dark life continued. My sisters were trying their best to make me feel better and when nothing worked, it was Mayo and Suna to the rescue. A quick get away was planned, my first ever outing with family and friends. We had whale of a time, with all the games/music and food. How can I forget the perfect entry for the song "Masakali" and Janan screaming in the background "Dance Sunanth". You would give that shy smile like you you know nothing. 

Y'all dozed off so early but gave us ample time to click away pictures of you boys sleeping like angels. How glad am I to have that shot of you Suna. It truly was that moment where I realised how naughty you really were and you proved it too, when we girls specifically told you boys to not occupy the pool until we were done with it. But, you got you fat ass down there even before we did. Ass! Manasula, Billa nu nanaipu. But yes, smart you were and we got that shot too.

A year or so later, we met again. I Had planned for a movie with my so called boy friend and you guys. A day I truly forgot, but is now etched in my heart forever, not because of him but because of you. That jerk of a guy, dropped me in the middle of the road late at night and drove away, only for you guys to find me and I will now never forget the shelling I had from you. I was completely traumatized and heart-broken about what had happened and you took  me away (to the beach), put your arm around me and told me "its not worth it". I am 5 years elder to you and the level of maturity and the amount of care and affection you and Mayo had on me, I can never stop being amazed and how wonderful you guys are.

A year or two passed by, we would meet and greet every time we bump into each other, how work life changes people ( at least me). Then, one day, my cousins were down and we girls had no one who could take us out somewhere. So we began to bug/beg you. Off we went for a night ride, first to the pan shop in Nungambakkam and then to the only place that was open at that time of night, Chit-Chat.

I was hungry as hell and when I am, I don't share food. So, I very clearly asked you if you wanted anything to eat and you said, I am fine with just a drink (water). I believed you da Gunda! But you got your hands on my food anyway. Grrrr!

Naturally, when girls get together they would click away and you didn't even stand still for one picture, Ironically, most of us were dressed in blue and I wanted a shot of us in blue, you just wouldn't stand still, the pic I got of us was this. Notice, how I am trying to hold you back, with my finger!

I always say, it's never a good bye, it's always until we meet again. Those were my words to you before you left for the US. All of us got busy lives and I clearly wasn't hanging around much with Mayo's friends and so we hardly spoke after you landed there. But, you remembered and messaged me, I would return your messages and life continued. The one time you messaged and I didn't reply for about a month and when I did and had that chat, I had no idea it was our last!

Suna, Of the things I have said above, I realise that I never got to Thank You da. You were so special to me because of all the quirky and sweet things you have said and done for me. I never said Thank you. It kills me to write all of this, But, this is it, isn't it? I will never forget you and I will always keep you alive in my memory. 

I miss you Suna and I don't think you can be replaced! Look down upon us will you, when we look up to you.